Be The Person You Would Marry

He has to be 6 feet or taller, she has to have a size 0 waist and a butt like Beyonce, he has to make over 6 figures a year in a corporate job, she has to look like Giselle Bundchen and have the personality of Mila Kunis, he has to be funny, smart, and serious, she has to be funnier, smarter, and supportive.

These are common expectations we have for others when we are looking for our life companions.


It’s always amused me how we create these laundry lists of expectations for others when we ourselves are quite the opposite.

I used to want a woman who worked out everyday, yet I would occasionally stick to a workout routine. I wanted someone who was supportive, yet I was aloof and flakey. In short, I was the exact opposite of the woman that I “needed” in my life.

How many times have you been approached by a friend and heard them say “you know I really want a good woman/man in my life so my first plan of action is to become a good person”… don’t worry, I’ll wait.

We often wait on perfection while doing nothing to meet our own expectations and standards. We judge prospective life partners by the criteria we’ve been fed by Hollywood and other sources of media when we are living like reality show z-listers.

It was not until I began to live by the standards I held for this imaginary woman that I actually attracted her into my life (and I do mean attract).


I stopped searching for miss perfect and made the decision to become Mr. Excellence. The irony is I did not have to become the greatest version of myself to bring such a woman into my life. I simply made a commitment to become the best lover and partner far before I saw any signs of life, or in this case “life partner”, I finally started living up to my own standards.

What continues to fuel me into greater action is the idea of becoming the person that I want to marry.


Tinashe Hwande

Edited by. Tayla Hasselbach

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