Don’t Be the “Waiter”

The only thing that comes to a waiter is a tip.

The motivational speaker/guru, Les Brown, once said: “good things come to those who wait, but only the good things that were left behind by the one who hustled.”

We often move through life feeling as if tomorrow will bring us that extra ounce of motivation that we need to move toward our dreams. Most of us feel as if tomorrow has a surplus of energy injected into it, an energy that today we would never dare tap into.

The good news is today has just as much motivation in it as tomorrow does. The bad news is tomorrow has just much motivation as today.

Wishful thinking and aimlessly waiting on tomorrow, “a better day,” to begin that project or start that business will have you in a place Zig Ziglar once called “One Day Isle” which is right next to “Isle Never” in Safeway: as in the safe way to nowhere.

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In a nutshell, living for tomorrow is the most dangerous thing that you could ever do for your future self. In waiting for tomorrow to begin, you are literally preparing yourself for a time and place that does not exist. As pseudoscience or woowoo as this sounds, you truly only have this moment. Right here, right now is the only thing that actually exists. All ‘tomorrow’ is is a representation of another “right here, right now.”

Thus, if you wish to see any sort of lasting change in your life, do “it” now, whatever your “it” is. I wasted far too much time and too many “laters” to ever let myself into such a trap again and it truly hurts my heart when I see those around me doing the same. We act as if our time is limitless, as if we will always be able to achieve our greatest self. We will forgo going to the gym for the third night in a row because Shameless just put out their third season and I means it’s not like the gyms going anywhere right? We throw away precious moments in the morning that could be used for mediation or planning and instead dedicate that time to scrolling and liking.

We love to claim that patience is a virtue but what we practice is far from virtuous. The fact of the matter is patience and waiting are not related, in fact they are not even in the same species. Patience is related to the work that takes place during the period of growth, while waiting is a passive act of “do nothingness.”

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I am by no means saying there is something wrong with relaxation and unwinding to something that will take your mind off of constantly doing, however when it’s time to do, don’t mistake not doing for doing. 

Preparation is a key element to success in any sphere of life but waiting and preparing are again unrelated. There is a difference between studying an industry before you enter it and waiting for the “right time” to get into an industry. Preparing for a test and thinking about preparing for a test are not the same thing, I could not emphasize this point enough. 

Do not take for granted the time that you have been allocated and the visions that have been placed in you. When you are sparked with an idea, you must act on it as fast as possible because the longer you wait the further it fades.

Tinashe Hwande

(edited by Tayla Hasselbach)

Why We Love to Overthinking

If you were a prehistoric Neanderthal or a Sub-Saharan bushman, the best weapon you had in your arsenal was overthinking. To remain vigilant throughout your entire hunt while mentally preparing for all the worst case scenarios was essential in 20,000 BC. In this Tesla driving, Chipotle eating modern world, however, overthinking is the curse that keeps on cursing.

When I speak of overthinking, I am not alluding to the strategizing or problem solving powers of  mind. You know the sort of witt or genius that has been displayed throughout history by men and women whose names are echoed in chambers of greatness. The sort of overthinking I am referring to is the type that petrifies the majority of us into non-action.

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We live in an ever increasingly busy world, an environment where the overthinking mind can, and often does, become an affliction. A plague that stops us from living a life of fulfillment, deterring us from necessary actions, all the while killing the dormant dreams of everyday men and women.

Overthinking can be attributed to everything from the restless nights of insomnia to the deepest depths of depression. When fears, worries and doubts take a hold of our minds with no jurisdiction, we tend to find ourselves in a bottomless abyss that seems to have the gravitational hold of the “sunken place.”

The main reason we hold onto our overthinking with such a tight grasp is due to our belief in its purpose. We feel as if overthinking may solve our problems or serve to protect us from the fear of taking action. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Overthinking is the enemy of all actions and brings along more animosity than resolve. This is why the greatest defense for our overthinking is action itself. Tony Robbins, master of the mental shift, is known for his “physical change” to “mental change” approach to habit formation. He speaks on how the simple change of physiology can make the difference between a mind in the state of depression and one that is freed from strife.

Though this may seem contradictory, it is essential for us to step into “massive action,” as Tony refers to it, in order to get out of our heads. Whether this means visiting your local gym to hit the ol’ weight rack or finally sitting down to work on that novel, taking action will show itself as the resolution to the constant mental bombardment.

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This does not mean you will never have an overactive mind again, it just means you will have the ability to chip away at the overthinking by acting upon those things that are truly at the root of your fears and anxieties. Overthinking comes from underdoing. Change your mind, change your life.

 

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Tinashe Hwande

(Edited by. Tayla Hasselbach)

 

 

Childhood Conditioning

Childhood

Every single human being goes through infancy, childhood, adolescence… Literally each and every one of had to go through it to get where we are today. What a vulnerable, impressionable time of life. We are 100% dependent on our caretakers to teach us about this ginormous, new world we just entered… It’s easy to see how things can go awry.

Naturally, a child is born to two parents, a mother and a father, both offering different teachings, traits, experiences, etc. Now we must take a step back for a moment to remember that parents are not simply acting as teachers, for example as we see in school: carefully constructing lessons and presenting them orally with pictures, planned activities etc. Unfortunately, parents don’t go to school to be parents… they often just get handed a baby (essentially) without a clue in the world what to do.

Children are sponges! They absorb everything, every new sensation, sight, sound, feeling, taste, smell, etc. Thus, parents unconsciously teach their children everything that they do and say in front of them. When parenthood was not by choice, when one parent leaves and the other is left to raise the child on their own, when other burdens take away from time spent with the child… when the parent does not, for whatever reason, take an active, responsible role in raising and teaching the child… problems arise.

Children become scared, they don’t know who or what to trust, they don’t know how to communicate or express themselves because no one ever gave them the space to do that, they don’t know how to take an active role in their lives or make decisions for themselves, they don’t know how to trust and love themselves…

When children are not actively taught, loved, encouraged, admired, developed, etc. they create defense mechanisms, they become blocked in certain areas of life, conditioned to be the way their parents were (which obviously wasn’t therapeutic), they grow up with trauma, pain, anger, sadness, anxiety that can often paralyze them and stagnate their growth and progress as adults in the world.

Adults often face childhood traumas for the rest of their lives if they don’t awaken to their conditionings and make conscious efforts to heal their ingrained traumas, reactions, defense mechanisms, etc. This can impede relationships, academia, work, every area of life.

Overcoming

With every dark cloud there is a silver lining, a sliver of hope, a showing of light within the darkness.

There was a time in which neurologists believed that our capacity to learn was limited by age. We were taught that the grey matter within the brain stopped creating new links and pathways somewhere between our twenties and early thirties. This theory was refuted time and time again, however, as researchers saw “old dogs learning new tricks”.

From therapy sessions to addiction centers, those who were placed in positions to help others overcome lifelong habits began to notice how even the most coniditioned individuals had a capacity for change. These deep habitual changes did not come as a result of some sort of special gene that these people had, but due to the nature of the human being as a whole.

We are creatures of habit, and creating patterns for ourselves has always been the way in which we navigated these terrains that we call planet earth. Whether we formed habits of foraging for our survival, or nursing our young; the place where each habit formed was and still remains the same

Many of us have been conditioned into certain modems of thought and action, therefore forming habits that do not serve our higher purpose. For anybody who’s seen a child go from being a flunking student to a straight A pupil, you have witnessed the capacity of a human to form new connections within the brain.

Whether you’re five or ninety there is always hope. So long as there is breathe in your lungs and a beat to your heart, there is a chance for you to reestablish your position on this planet through the diligent efforts of retraining your mind.

Much like teaching an infant to walk is not an easy feat, reinventing oneself through the formulation of new habits is no simple task. But just like anything else in life, once we make the decision to fully commit ourselves to change we can rewrite our story, and become the alchemist of our childhood experiences turning them into lessons for our future selves instead of anchors to our pasts.

Tayla M. Hasselbach & Tinashe P. Hwande