Searching For Blame

Resentment: the unsettling, gut wrenching, choke hold that kept me captive for so much of my young life. I remember sitting in the passenger seat of my 2002 Toyota Camry smoking away my sorrows. Why did life have to be so unfair? Why did I have to live in a world that saw me as less than? A young black man with a chip on his shoulder.

I spent a majority of my latter teen years verbalizing my frustrations with the so called “system” I blamed for my woes. I soaked in the paranoia filled doctrine of conspiracies like a helpless junkie searching for a quick fix, yet nothing could give me the high I was in search of. I was a victim in the truest sense.

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For hours a day, I would saturate my mind with the “mad world” beliefs that were plentiful on the web. I resonated with every new piece of information I found online as they were confirmations for my already skeptical mind. I surrounded myself with those whose beliefs aligned with mine and what we all had in common, more than our love for conspiracies, was the need to point blame outwardly.

Looking back, I could have blamed my insatiable need for conspiracy theories as a drug induced inclination, but, in reality I would have fallen into the same trappings without the drugs. I realized I was always an individual who sought to point blame in the most subtle ways. I wouldn’t tell you something was your fault but would convict the system that created you as the problem.

Not once did it dawn on me that my position in life was my own choosing. I truly felt that I had to take a backseat in life because the greater system was against those of my hue. Nothing held me back as much as that belief.

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It amazes me how we have the ability to create a false reality and live our entire lives on those falsehoods, for the simple reason of not accepting that our lives are in our control. Sure, we may not be capable of predicting or controlling circumstances outside of ourselves, but we do have control of our own actions and reactions to any given situation.

If I had known this in my earlier years, I would have spent much more time changing my circumstances instead of living in a constant state of anger and resentment, which was only a cover for my inherent fear of taking responsibility for my own life.

Tinashe Hwande

Edited by. Tayla Hasselbach

Taking a Mental Shower

Motivation is bullsh**

I’m sure we’ve all experienced the “different person in the morning when the alarm goes off syndrome”. You know when you set an alarm the night before while telling yourself that tomorrow will finally be the day that you wake up at 5am, fly to the gym, eat a hearty low-carb breakfast, and read an entire chapter of that book you’ve been putting off for the last two weeks.

In reality, your alarm rang, you clicked snooze and woke up right before work with a bagel in your hand… what happened there? Most often we set our next day’s agenda with the motivation we have in the moment, but, as soon as the next day becomes our now, the motivation is lost. This is why motivation is a forever process; we cannot expect to bottle it up and keep its potency forever.

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I used to believe that motivation was the missing link between my current position in life and where I wanted to be. I felt that if I just had enough motivation I could move mountains, but the only thing I moved was my butt from the couch in the moment. I thought motivation was some everlasting elixir that would keep me in motion forever. Little did I know that motivation was no more than a mental shower. Yes a mental shower. Motivation is like a shower, it only lasts for a single day, if that.

What I did not realize in my days of “self-help addiction” was that I could not use yesterday’s motivation to fuel me for the present moment; I had to continuously find sources of motivation which became as tiring as a one legged race. It’s important for us to create deep, lasting reasons for our actions. The acclaimed Simon Senec says, “you must find your WHY”, otherwise known as your inspiration.

Motivation alone will never last, however inspiration is the internal source of consistent action. Whereas motivation can give you the courage to do something momentarily, when someone is truly inspired, they will have a fire within them that burns for an eternity. Think of the great artists that are now physically gone, but their work continues to touch this world hundreds of years later; they are often called “inspirations”.

One man’s inspiration can carry forth to the next and so forth. Motivation is important in moments of intense action, but the energy that allows up to continuously reinvent ourselves is inspiration, either the inspiration of another being of the inspiration of nature’s beauty. Whatever our source of inspiration is, the fact that it is greater than our own will power is what gives it its potency.

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You will always be willing to do more for your child or loved one than you will for yourself (i.e. you would save your dog before yourself) this is the equivalent of inspiration. Inspiration is something that moves you internally. A self help book or a pump up anthem may be able to conjure motivation, but the lasting inspiration needed for true growth is something that comes from within and manifests itself outwardly.

 

What Is Leadership?

Leadership is inspiring. It is taking a stand and motivating others to think, create, accomplish — whatever the task may be. It is creating an open space where effective communication and compromise may occur in order to confidently reach a goal in a timely manner. It is taking on the responsibility of the outcomes of those decisions and facilitating reflection on what could be done better in the future. It is doing all of these things from a pure heart with the sole intention of helping others be the best person they can be in the world.

While pondering who has demonstrated leadership in my life, my sophomore 2 clinical instructor, Amber Quelvog, came to mind. She was one of the best teachers I have ever had and it is through her leadership that I grew exponentially as a nurse this past semester. She was a leader in that she inspired us to be our own leaders, to trust ourselves, and to feel confident and in the right place on the floor in the hospital. She led not by telling us what to do but by guiding us as we used our critical thinking skills to solve the issue at hand on our own. She facilitated our self-reflection as well as gave constructive criticism in a positive manner. I truly look up to her and hope to be a nurse, teacher, and leader like her.

Nursing School Archives (May 2015)

By: Tayla Hasselbach