Searching For Blame

Resentment: the unsettling, gut wrenching, choke hold that kept me captive for so much of my young life. I remember sitting in the passenger seat of my 2002 Toyota Camry smoking away my sorrows. Why did life have to be so unfair? Why did I have to live in a world that saw me as less than? A young black man with a chip on his shoulder.

I spent a majority of my latter teen years verbalizing my frustrations with the so called “system” I blamed for my woes. I soaked in the paranoia filled doctrine of conspiracies like a helpless junkie searching for a quick fix, yet nothing could give me the high I was in search of. I was a victim in the truest sense.

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For hours a day, I would saturate my mind with the “mad world” beliefs that were plentiful on the web. I resonated with every new piece of information I found online as they were confirmations for my already skeptical mind. I surrounded myself with those whose beliefs aligned with mine and what we all had in common, more than our love for conspiracies, was the need to point blame outwardly.

Looking back, I could have blamed my insatiable need for conspiracy theories as a drug induced inclination, but, in reality I would have fallen into the same trappings without the drugs. I realized I was always an individual who sought to point blame in the most subtle ways. I wouldn’t tell you something was your fault but would convict the system that created you as the problem.

Not once did it dawn on me that my position in life was my own choosing. I truly felt that I had to take a backseat in life because the greater system was against those of my hue. Nothing held me back as much as that belief.

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It amazes me how we have the ability to create a false reality and live our entire lives on those falsehoods, for the simple reason of not accepting that our lives are in our control. Sure, we may not be capable of predicting or controlling circumstances outside of ourselves, but we do have control of our own actions and reactions to any given situation.

If I had known this in my earlier years, I would have spent much more time changing my circumstances instead of living in a constant state of anger and resentment, which was only a cover for my inherent fear of taking responsibility for my own life.

Tinashe Hwande

Edited by. Tayla Hasselbach

Childhood Conditioning

Childhood

Every single human being goes through infancy, childhood, adolescence… Literally each and every one of had to go through it to get where we are today. What a vulnerable, impressionable time of life. We are 100% dependent on our caretakers to teach us about this ginormous, new world we just entered… It’s easy to see how things can go awry.

Naturally, a child is born to two parents, a mother and a father, both offering different teachings, traits, experiences, etc. Now we must take a step back for a moment to remember that parents are not simply acting as teachers, for example as we see in school: carefully constructing lessons and presenting them orally with pictures, planned activities etc. Unfortunately, parents don’t go to school to be parents… they often just get handed a baby (essentially) without a clue in the world what to do.

Children are sponges! They absorb everything, every new sensation, sight, sound, feeling, taste, smell, etc. Thus, parents unconsciously teach their children everything that they do and say in front of them. When parenthood was not by choice, when one parent leaves and the other is left to raise the child on their own, when other burdens take away from time spent with the child… when the parent does not, for whatever reason, take an active, responsible role in raising and teaching the child… problems arise.

Children become scared, they don’t know who or what to trust, they don’t know how to communicate or express themselves because no one ever gave them the space to do that, they don’t know how to take an active role in their lives or make decisions for themselves, they don’t know how to trust and love themselves…

When children are not actively taught, loved, encouraged, admired, developed, etc. they create defense mechanisms, they become blocked in certain areas of life, conditioned to be the way their parents were (which obviously wasn’t therapeutic), they grow up with trauma, pain, anger, sadness, anxiety that can often paralyze them and stagnate their growth and progress as adults in the world.

Adults often face childhood traumas for the rest of their lives if they don’t awaken to their conditionings and make conscious efforts to heal their ingrained traumas, reactions, defense mechanisms, etc. This can impede relationships, academia, work, every area of life.

Overcoming

With every dark cloud there is a silver lining, a sliver of hope, a showing of light within the darkness.

There was a time in which neurologists believed that our capacity to learn was limited by age. We were taught that the grey matter within the brain stopped creating new links and pathways somewhere between our twenties and early thirties. This theory was refuted time and time again, however, as researchers saw “old dogs learning new tricks”.

From therapy sessions to addiction centers, those who were placed in positions to help others overcome lifelong habits began to notice how even the most coniditioned individuals had a capacity for change. These deep habitual changes did not come as a result of some sort of special gene that these people had, but due to the nature of the human being as a whole.

We are creatures of habit, and creating patterns for ourselves has always been the way in which we navigated these terrains that we call planet earth. Whether we formed habits of foraging for our survival, or nursing our young; the place where each habit formed was and still remains the same

Many of us have been conditioned into certain modems of thought and action, therefore forming habits that do not serve our higher purpose. For anybody who’s seen a child go from being a flunking student to a straight A pupil, you have witnessed the capacity of a human to form new connections within the brain.

Whether you’re five or ninety there is always hope. So long as there is breathe in your lungs and a beat to your heart, there is a chance for you to reestablish your position on this planet through the diligent efforts of retraining your mind.

Much like teaching an infant to walk is not an easy feat, reinventing oneself through the formulation of new habits is no simple task. But just like anything else in life, once we make the decision to fully commit ourselves to change we can rewrite our story, and become the alchemist of our childhood experiences turning them into lessons for our future selves instead of anchors to our pasts.

Tayla M. Hasselbach & Tinashe P. Hwande